#don't worry im not dead

[nocofamilyau]

man wtf is up with him?? (15/24)

[tanuki-voice]

Okay, uh, update. I didn't mean to drop off the face of the earth, but I've just been going through a lot lately.

To make a long story short: I told y'all a while ago I transitioned, and for the most part it's been great! I'm a little over 8 months in, seeing good progress.

However, it's been a really draining process. Both emotionally and financially. I have to pay for all the blood work out of pocket because the one place I could get hormones didn't take my insurance, as well as all the fees for consultation and the meds themselves. Recently I finally got around to changing my name legally, that was also really expensive. I haven't had a job because I've mostly been in school (I'm working on my bachelor's), so it's just been a bit of a juggling act.

On top of that, I've been dealing with the fact that most of my family, and some of my friends, don't really accept me, they made it clear after I came out that they don't like me being trans. That's been a big emotional rollercoaster, and dear gods am I tired of someone telling me that they "love me and only want the best for me" then proceed to invalidate my existence in the same breath. That combined with the fact that my family has the money for my tuition and rent and stuff makes this a really difficult balancing act.

I've been really busy, partially working on classes, but mostly trying to deal with this whole conundrum I've put myself into in the process of trying to work towards my best self. I just wasn't in the greatest headspace to run the blog. (I got so stressed I lost like 20 pounds.) I still don't really think I am. It'll probably be a bit before I can find that happy medium again and get back to writing. For now, I really appreciate your folks' patience.

[admiraltyofquivers]

First week of school; I have just finished my homework; I am way past midnight.

[crustyfloor]

My night was going so wonderfully.

The headshot of this cover is just PAINFUL. They're actually acknowledging each other, they're the only ones on a cover to do that. And it's the prominent detail that Mizi looks horrified staring at Sua, even though they're clutching each other so... like they can't let go, while Sua looks reverent in the lane of that gaze, even blushing, slightly, savoring the moment. This also looks like their kiss scene...

To me, she looks just the same as the day she died because I think this cover is Sua's haunting of Mizi, because Sua's singing is just that, haunting and distant the longer she sings, she's fading out, but so gently despite its gruesomeness. And Mizi is grieving.

She's as angelic as she is in Mizi's memories..

But there's a cruelty to this because Mizi will never forget what she saw in round 1, that's why seeing Sua over and over and over again terrifies her, hence why the tone of this song is SO dark, especially in the second half when they're coming to a close, they get desperate to keep each other close, and there is a certain, but familiar ignorance to Sua's presence as if she can't see Mizi's pain even though Mizi is crying right in front of her--childish egos, Sua becomes a more honest character after her death, and in more expressive formats like this, and I like how she takes on that position in this song, the taker. (Like Till, he wanted a security blanket out of Mizi; Sua is similar in that sense.) as she takes and wants from Mizi for her own sanity.

And this newest illustration, oh my god. EXPRESSES THIS IDEA PERFECTLY, Sua looks so utterly distant, ghostly, dead.

In contrast to Ivan and Till's cure, Mizi and Sua's cure is more of a duet, and they switch places often. Mizi starts the song, she ends the song (just like in my clematis), and Sua supports it. Whereas Ivan and Till take turns leading and harmonizing, Mizi and Sua both participate.

And I believe they're interacting? Ivan and Till's cure wasn't a message to each other, something a lot more complicated than that--but Mizi and Sua transition frequently and it feels like they're singing to each other, It's more intimate.

Mizi - Allow me, to the tips of your finger

Allow me, to the ends of your feet

Dissolve me in your gaze

I don't want to let you go.

Sua - Please, leave me scars

Please, hurt me so that not a singly drop of me remains

Let me drown in you.

(The backing vocals mean so much to me, it's like a choir(?))

Mizi - Until these falling stars

Are buried in the blur of time

On your icy lips

Read my soul, yes, my soul

It wasn't spontaneous for the sake of it either, because this is a call-and-response

Sua - Even if your cold words

Carve scars beneath my eyes

May they linger on your tongue

You can break me apart

Mizi - Notice my pain

And mend me right now

To quiet my fears

I'll drown in you

-

Mizi is directly asking Sua, or the version of her she can't forget, to stay with her, calm her like she used to, as she wishes to have remained in the dark, to drown in her, or to have just not been left alone and, because even now Sua's death is not something she can accept, the portrayal of her feelings as she expresses her pain and desire to keep Sua close, even the false presence of her "On your icy lips" and "notice my pain and mend me right now" even though It's terrifying her, she doesn't want to let go.

Sua acknowledges Mizi's pain, and their shared pains after she died for her, the blame and the betrayal. Interestingly, Sua takes on the metaphorically self-destructive lyrics, Sua lives in fear, anxiety, and utter gloominess, she didn't want to be hurt by Mizi in the literal sense, but she would've rather been warmed in Mizi's soft light, her false hope and optimism, to be destroyed and to destroy Mizi's hope, even dying as the penalty of their love was far better.

Then Sua goes on to sing through the perspective of Mizi and her loneliness and grief after losing her with perfect clarity, it takes me back to the comic where Ivan scolded Sua about her plan, saying that she'd be nothing more than a trauma to Mizi after everything is said and done, she got upset at Ivan because she knew that, was devastated by the fact that she would be a burden just as she always feared, but then, what's a life without Mizi by her side, her only safety net? Her every reason for living?

This song displays their deep love and devotion, they sound melancholic but even in these horrific circumstances, Mizi's pain and hesitance, they don't drown each other out, they move together in perfect harmony just like they always do, in this way, it also feels like an apology of sorts from both sides before the bitter end, and a final goodbye.

AND THEN AT THE END WITH THE PERFECT SYNCHRONIZING OF THEIR VOICES ARGHH

And a new Sua illustration for the occasion 😭💔 (I'm gonna catch you soon Vivinos just wait.)

[gremlin-boah]

present for dutch since he seems to like rats so much

Man. Dutch if you want the bubonic plague jus say it.

@omgwhatchloe I think he loves the rat. No. Not micah. The other rat with a crown.

[quirkle2]

first proper comic i've ever made! this is for my fic rainspeak; treat it as a bit of a "deleted scene" that takes places right after chapter 13

i never wrote anything from reigen's pov during the last few chapters bc 1) i wanted to focus on the kids, and 2) i'm not totally confident in my ability to write something compelling from that pov w those circumstances. so here's a comic instead <3

[creaturefeaster]

Im so sorry you’re going through a hard time. Best of wishes, Wire.

Thank you...! I'm not too busted up or anything, it's just a lot going wrong at once so it's like WOAH was I cursed or something sbrjfbdjdbfnrb

[veethebeequeen]

"you can't keep reading angsty fanfictions instead of dealing with your daddy issues"

First of all yes I CAN

[brainrotallthewaydown1312]

the stage is dark but for a single white spotlight center stage. it is empty except for a single microphone. the audience is buzzing quietly.

I walk in from the side aisles and approach the microphone. I am clearly not affiliated with this production. I tap the mic twice and there is some obnoxious feedback. the crowd goes silent. when the speakers stop crunching you can hear a pin drop.

i lean into the microphone.

"fuck netflix"

[baura-bear]

alright so i am planning to visit dick winters grave smack dab between his death date and birthday (just a coincidence) so it feels right to bring flowers or a coin to put on his grave. would it be weird if i sat down and ate ice cream with the man cause i feel like he'd appreciate that more than flowers

[rusted-pipe-of-wisdom]

let's go girlies

[cookiescraems]

hmmm saiteru as frimmel. saiki as frieren being this all powerful psychic but very emotionally detached to human beings that is until he meets teruhashi (aka the himmel of this au)

[tulipsnflowers]

They surely have to have something of her as well, you know?

[worstloki]

sigyn that married loki like ages ago so when it comes out he's jotun she's like. 'well it's a bit late to do anything about that'

[horiizonsstuff]

JANUARY 2024 DOODLE DUMP

hey (kicks legs in a silly manner) ik u miss me and my doodle dumps, what if I I told you I went on a whole art streak (tucks hair behind ear and giggles like an anime high school girl)

here are some personal favorites this month 😘

[howtotrainyouragents]

I keep joking that this show is gay, and it keeps proving me not wrong